Danna's a real boy un!
by SchizophrenicRacoon
Summary: Some people wake up to changes. Like getting a spot or something. Akasuna no Sasori wakes up to something different. Rated T. Rating MIGHT change. Planning to do Sasodei in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

My third fanfiction ever!! And after this I'm gonna stop announcing 'This is my fourty-seventh fanfiction ever!!') stuff. Okay!! This fanfic contains - bad humour, bad language, angry puppets, annoying blondes, and I think that's it.

When I say 'OOC:' I mean that's me commenting, it's not part of the fanfiction. You'll know because it'll probably be something stupid.

(DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or it's characters. Or Captain Jack Sparrow.)

* * *

It started out a perfectly normal day in the Akatsuki hideout. (Note: Depends on your definition of 'normal') Most of the members slowly rousing and heavily hauling themselves out of bed, the exception of Itachi who merely sat up with a deadpan expression,  
freaking out Kisame. 

One by one they drifted into the kitchen, at which sat a large-ish table, as they were a big family. Kisame sat at his breakfast staring at his bowl of cereal infront of him with dreary eyes and some drool leaking out the corner of his mouth as if a little confused as to how it got there and why it was staring at him.

Itachi decided to commit his 'annual good deed' then by leaving Kisame to continue his now turning into a rather fierce glaring match with his cereal and took a sip of his coffee, pure black, no milk, no sugar thank you.

Zetsu had a platter infront of him on which a large hunk of bloody and uncooked meat was sitting on. The only person who went near him was Tobi who was sitting beside him eating Coco Pops and most likely grinning goofily behind his mask as he tried to 'Spot How Many Coco Pops Are Hidden On The Back Of This Box!' (OOC: Ne ne, wait, how does he eat them through his mask?)

Kakuzu, to save money, was eating some cheap cereal that tasted worse than the cardboard carton it came in, and Hidan was taking ages praying to Jashin him to thank him for the food he was given and promising a small sacrifice, maybe in the form of a certain blonde bomb artist if he reset his alarm clock to 3AM again...

And the leader of it all, uhm... Leader-Sama, was reading the newspaper at the end of the table. And remarking about random events on the newspaper. "Vandal shinobi blows up Iwagakure... Really, the nerve of some people..." Causing the majority of the red-cloud cloaked people at the breakfast table to sweatdrop.

And let's say the blue-haired member was on holiday. A really _long_ holiday.

But oh my! You clever readers COUGHhahacleverhahaCOUGH may have noticed - But where is our favourite pair - the androgynous(1) explosion-obsessed artist and the moody impatient puppet? Well, let's, using my 1337 writer skills and nothing-to-do-with-bribing-Kakuzu-for-the-keys-and-layout-of-the-Akatsuki-hideout enter their room and find out...

* * *

Now, away from where all the bustle was, descending deeper and deeper down the confusing gloomy corridors (Leader-Sama wouldn't let them decorate the corridors. Said it was for 'sinister atmosphere'. But you always knew if you were going the right way to Tobi's room because the walls were adorned with pictures of flowers and unicorns and... happy stuff) it became very quiet. Nothing stirred. Not even a mouse. 

But if you listened very _very_ carefully, you might hear a whisper of noise coming from the room on the left...

* * *

Your first impression of this room would be - it was a complete mess. Clothes were sprawled in a heap, strewn about the room, creased so badly it looked as if they must of been crumpled up in that place for ages without being washed or ironed... Oh wait but that's probably---Yeah, anyway. Odd little clumps of clay were everywhere in the room, just placed so that you'd forget about them then stand on it and get it stuck to your foot. In addition to the clay, little birds were on a bedside, on the floor, scattered under the bed, _in _the bed... and... somehow stuck on the ceiling. 

Nearby was a worktable. That was obvious as to the screwdrivers and saws and different tools that lay on it's surface and in a rack nearby. Was made it a little more obscure about what sort of 'work'ing the person at the table did, was the dried blood staining the tools. Right beside it on the wall was a cabinet, full of little bottles and pots of liquids and powders. They were not for eating.  
Resting with it's back against the worktable was an unfinished puppet.

A soft mumble and the rustling of someone stirring against material broke the silence. The room proved it be inhabited after all. Someone sat up, stared around the room once with an air of cluelessness and clumsiness that someone has when they've just woken up, and flung the pair of his partner's boxers off his head. He staggered to his feet, before making his way awkwardly through all the paraphernalia on the floor with the grace of a drunken hippo, on his brave journey to the bathroom. (OOC: Imagine this scene with the Jack Sparrow music. Now someone make a remark about why is the rum always gone.)

With a trip(due to the vengeful wrath of a small clay birdie), hop and skip, the young boy managed to avoid falling flat on his face rather painfully by seizing hold of the bathroom door frame. Perfectly executing the cliché scene of a movie where the main character walks up to the mirror while rubbing his eyes to prevent him seeing himself and the 'shocking new change' or clown nose stuck to his face with super-glue or permanent marker over his forehead of the words 'Deidara was here, un!', he looked up...

And merely saw his reflection looking back at him with bleary eyes, unkempt red hair sticking up at all angles and a mouth that was hanging open unattractively.

Sasori turned the tap and cupped his hands under the running water, before splashing the ice cold water onto his face. Giving a sharp gasp as it harshly woke him up, Sasori took the sleeve of his Akatsuki cloak and wiped his face dry. While doing so thoughts that had been subconciously niggling at him since he woke up began to slowly submerge into his mind. Like since when did a puppet like him need sleep? Or when did he ever even submit to clumsiness, a trait which only humans could master?

Ignoring these as they were tossed out of his mind to make way for the thought of his main priority today - breakfast, Sasori walked out, but couldn't help feeling that something was _just_ not quite right...

Seven seconds later after having made it a little way down the hallway the redhead sprinted back into the room and leapt over the clutter to the bathroom, skidding on the tiles to a stop infront of the mirror and stared in, his face contorting into first utter shock,  
then horror, then both.

Akasuna no Sasori did something he hadn't done for the first time in a very long time.

A scream echoed throughout the Akatsuki hideout.

_Well you didn't think I would ruin a traditional cliché would you?  
_

* * *

Kisame stowed away the cereal bowl into the dishwasher, having thrown his soggy breakfast away in disgust. (It had won the staring contest against him) 

"Ne, Itachi-san, what missions have we got today?" He turned to the raven-haired Uchiha beside him.

Itachi opened his mouth to reply, but whatever he was going to say will never be known, because at that exact moment a scream ripped through the air.

Everyone stopped and blinked except Itachi who returned back to calmly eating his breakfast as the screaming continued for the next few seconds.

"...Deidara?" asked Kisame, once the screaming had stopped.

"No, that little shit's voice is higher than that when he screams. Like a girl's," grunted Hidan.

"...Sasori???"

"Sasori never screams."

"He does when Deidara blows up his puppets."

"That's more of an enraged bloodthirsty yell of "DEIDARA WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I AM GOING TO SHOVE THOSE CLAY-EATING HANDS OF YOURS SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THEY'LL BE TASTING WHAT YOU HAD FOR BREAKFAST!!" "

"Oh yeeeeahhh..." (OOC: Okay, sorry, I suck at making threats. XD; )

* * *

A sleeping figure was curled up on a shoddily made bed. On first inspection it was a girl, with a slender delicate frame, deep blue eyes... erm, eye if you were to prise her sleeping eyelid open and silky golden hair that draped over one side of her face and the rest was tied back in a ponytail. If you were to do a _full body inspection _you'd find out that _she_ was actually a _he_. 

Deidara rolled over. His hands appeared to be _chewing_ on his sheets in what one could almost say was a fond manner, much like a young child cuddling their blankie---uhm, blanket, culminating in saliva-damp patches on his bed.

"M' danna is better th'n your danna... un..." He muttered softly in his sleep.

A loud scream punctured the air. Now, think, if all the others were over all the way in the kitchen and they found it loud, imagine how loud it would be to Deidara who was sleeping right next to the bathroom Sasori was in.

"Don't worry danna I'll save you un---!!" cried Deidara, bolting upwards in his bed only to hit his head off a shelf. He fell back, room swaying, and lights dancing around in his vision. _'Who put that shelf there!?'_ he thought in the agonizing pain of what felt like he'd split his head open.

Forcing himself upwards, more slowly and carefully this time, Deidara swung one leg over his bed and promptly stood on the sharper-than-clay-should-be beak of the little clay birdie that had tripped Sasori going into the bathroom. (OOC: ZOMG. It moved by itself.  
O.O We know what this means don't we?) Cursing blindly with phrases that the old woman who had given him money would never imagine the sweet-young-innocent-boy-who-had-so-politely-asked -for-some-money-because-he-and-his-danna-had-travelled-so-far-and-really-really-needed-some -money-for-an-inn-un using, he hopped on his one good foot over to the bathroom.

"What's wrong danna un!? Don't worry I'm he---UWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

* * *

"Now that's Deidara," Kisame grinned with satisfaction, baring teeth that looked like they might have been taken out of a shark's mouth. 

The screaming continued and grew louder as it became apparent that the source of the distressed screaming was coming nearer and before long a blur of red, black and blonde cannoned flailing past the door with a scream of "IT'S ALIVE UN!!"

There was a pause.

"Well there's something you don't see everyday," said Hidan conversationally.

* * *

Now, back to Sasori, who we have abandoned for a short while, providing there's someone reading this. 

This redhead had shortly followed Deidara, but this time stopped at the kitchen, or to be accurate, skidded when he started to approach the kitchen, continued to skid past it's entrance at the speed he had been running at and then ran back to it.

Everyone, even Itachi this time looked up at the panting wide-eyed Sungakure puppet master.

"Something wrong?" Tobi stated the obvious.

Sasori just gaped at him before turning back to the others,"Something horrible's happened!"

"We've got a decrease in wages?!" Kakuzu immediately got to his feet.

"No---!"

"Oh thank God..." murmured Kakuzu, settling back down into his chair and clutching his hearts.

"Thank Jashin you mean," corrected Hidan.

"Oh shut up about your Jashin will you!?" snapped Kakuzu.

Before Hidan could get ontop of Kakuzu and slaughter him, Itachi interrupted, speaking for the first time that morning,"What is it Sasori?"

"Look!" Sasori strode up to Itachi and pointed at his face. (OOC: Sasori's face, not Itachi's, if he had pointed it at Itachi's face he probably would of no longer possessed said finger or hand that finger was on or arm, depending on which side of the bed Itachi woke up on)

Everyone leant in and spent a few seconds examining Sasori's face, trying to figure out what had made him so distressed.

"...You got a scratch so now you have to polish your face?" suggested Hidan, recieving a more intense than normal glare from Sasori,"Hey, it was just a suggestion!"

Sasori turned desperately to Itachi,"You've noticed it right?"

Itachi nodded silently.

Kisame and all the other members... I'm too lazy to list, turned to him,"What is it?"

Itachi produced, somewhere from the depths of his Akatsuki cloak, a senbon. Raising it to Sasori's cheek, he pricked the soft skin.

A bead of deep red blood welled up slowly, before trickling down.

"So? Sasori's bleeding. So what?"

Silence.

"He's bleeding!! Sasori's never bleeds!!"

"Well done," said Itachi bluntly.

"But then..."

There was the sound of running footsteps. Deidara appeared at the doorframe, face flushed.

"Sasori's gone human!"

* * *

"So how has this happened?" 

"I think that's what we're all wanting to know."

The Akatsuki were all gathered in the living room. Everyone was sitting staring at Sasori and it was beginning to annoy him.

It was not helped by the fact that Deidara kept poking him every three seconds and asking 'Can you feel that danna un?' and pinching him or asking him to eat something or just gaping at him and going 'Wow un!'.

Poke.

"So wait, Sasori just slept over night and this happened?"

Poke.

"Apparently."

"But wooden puppets just don't turn human over night."

Pause.

"Pinnochio did... OHMIGOSH SASORI'S PINNOCHIO UN!!!"

_"Deidara I'm not Pinnochio!!"_

"Oh good un."

Poke.

"This is a very complex jutsu at work here."

"No duh."

Poke.

"But why would someone want to turn Sasori human?"

"Maybe Sasori did it?"

Poke.

"Why would I spent years of my childhood to turn myself into the ultimate puppet only to get bored and turn myself into a human again???"

"Oh yeah."

Poke.

"Maybe someone wants to make him vulnerable."

"Mmmm-hmmm. But could they do this from a distance or did they sneak in here?"

Poke.

"But if they snuck in here why not just stick him in the heart?"

"Maybe they thought it might somehow alert the other Akatsuki members?"

"Maybe."

Poke.

"I bet it was that crazy old lady un!"

"You mean Sasori's grandma?"

"Un!"

Poke.

"Maybe Sungakure shinobi."

"Why would they be after Sasori right now? Wouldn't they be busy with other matters like maintaining Sungakure's position and like accepting missions and stuff? Besides, Sasori hasn't done anything lately that would give the impression he is planning to attack Sungakure."

"True."

Poke.

"Deidara stop it."

Leader-Sama stood up,"The vital thing here is how they got past our defences. Our base is well hidden and covered in protective seals. The foe we are facing here is very powerful. They may be useful to us if they join, but upon saying that it would seem that they are not all that friendly towards us..."

Poke.

"Deidara."

"For now it would seem all we can do is continue on with business. However, I think we should be extremely cautious and on the look out."

Poke.

_"Deidara."_

Poke.

"DEIDARA YOU LITTLE SHIT!!" screeched the former puppet and threw himself at his blonde partner who let out, as Hidan stated, a very girlish shriek and ran round the room getting chased by his danna.

"...Sasori will have to remain human for now. Besides, I'm sure he'll have much fun re-discovering all the fun stuff humans can do," Leader-Sama exited the room.

"?" Deidara stopped very suddenly causing Sasori to run into him. "What does he mean by that un?" He looked up curiously as he  
fended off redheaded teenager's attacks.

"Well, it means that since Sasori is human again he can taste and feel and stuff... You know, human stuff. Rather than just being a block of wood that's been carved into a human shape," explained Hidan helpfully.

Sasori, who hadn't been listening to a word of this, watched as Deidara's expression turned thoughtful and a sly grin spread across his face. The puppeteer felt a twinge of uneasiness. And his senses had never been wrong before.

"So... While we're trying to figure out what has happened... We can have fun with danna un???"

Sasori watched Deidara start to smile. It was not a kind smile. He watched Deidara turn to direct his smile at him. He watched the other Akatsuki members do similar things. He could swear he even saw the corners of Itachi's mouth curl upwards slightly.

"...I want my puppets..."

* * *

(1) Androgynous - marked by a fusion of male and female physical traits, or more commonly by a blending of masculine and feminine attitudes, roles, looks, or characteristics. ... Or so says the online dictionary. Think Haku.

Oh me oh my! What will happen next? I hope you guys are enjoying this so far! Heehee, poor Sasori, what _will_ Deidara and the others have fun getting him to do.

Please review and tell me if you like it or not! Remember - I eat flames. 'Specially if they're strawberry-flavoured!


	2. Chapter 2

Here's the second chapter! Thanks a LOT for the reviews guys, they made me feel... -sniff-  
all warm and fuzzy inside... -teary-eyed-

Also, uhm, I hope you enjoy the second chapter! I hope it doesn't disappoint you guys.  
-sweat- Hehe...

WARNING - Lots of 'OOC' in this chapter.

(DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or it's characters!) 

* * *

"Daaanaaaaaa. C'mon un."

"No."

"Daaanaaaa un."

"No.

"Daaanaaaaaaaa un."

"NO."

"B-but the fresh air will do you good! Your always inside Hiruko! Sometimes I think you love him more than me..."

A young blonde cross-legged ontop of what looked like a huge rock covered in a patterned cloak, without a metal tail trying to dislodge it's unwelcome intruder in vain and what might have been a face sticking out of it rolled it's eyes.

"Deidara, you are a troublesome brat, and if I have ever given you the idea that I have only ever had feelings for you as a partner, I am deeply sorry. I do not even like you as a partner."

"D-danna..." The younger boy's eyes shined with tears,"H-how... how could you say that. Why don't you reciprocate my feelings un!?" Tears broke free and slid down his cheeks as he began to sob.

Blue lines appeared on Hiruko's head. (OOC: You know when someone does something really stupid or embarassing and a sort of blue cloud and lines appear over people's heads? Yeah, that)

"Deidara... You do know that's not working right?"

The sobbing immediately ceased and Deidara looked up grinning,"Ahhh, no fair danna un!"

He turned and yelled over his shoulder,"Ne, Hidan, Kisame, I couldn't get him out, switch to plan B un!"

"Plan B... Hey what are you guys doing?!"

Hidan and Kisame walked up as Deidara hopped off and walked to the side.

"Wha...? Heyy nooooOOOOHHHHH!!"

Offscreen there was the classic bangs and crashes as Kisame and Hidan dismantled half off Hiruko and dragged Sasori out of his favourite puppet by his hair.

"Deidara-senpai, I think Sasori is broken," Tobi appeared by Deidara's side looking unnerved at Sasori, currently being restrained by Kakuzu's strings but not stopping him from screaming at the top of his lungs and foaming at the mouth as he saw his Hiruko, mostly in separate pieces as he threw a hissy-fit. (OOC: Dude, been so long since I used the phrase 'hissy-fit'. I love it so much. 8D )

"Naw, that's just danna un!"

Hours later, when Sasori had calmed down, he found himself traipsing along a forest track, his partner skipping along in a sugar-induced state of hyperness, and with what was almost all of the other Akatsuki members.

"...Why did you come?" Sasori gave Itachi a sideways look.

"...Amusement," Itachi smirked slightly at the redhead who's forehead popped as a vein made it's appearance.

"...Ne danna you okay un? You're looking kinda sweaty..." Deidara looked at Sasori, oblivious to Itachi who was smirking back (OOC: The 'serious shinobi' equivalent of pulling faces at each other. But of course, serious shinobi such as Itachi and Sasori don't pull faces. They smirk) at him with concern.

Sasori reverted back to his calm deadpanned self instantly,"Of course."

"Good un!" Deidara beamed merrily,"We wouldn't want you to be gloomy on your first day as a human again! We've got fun stuff lined up for you!" Sasori winced at the word 'fun'.

"Tell me, why do I need the whole of the Akatsuki organization with me to have... 'fun," muttered Sasori.

"You don't. We're just a bunch of sadistic bastards," Kisame flashed Sasori a pointy-toothed grin.

"Damn right."

"What was that puppet!?"

"Danna's not a puppet, danna's a real boy un!" Deidara yelled at Kakuzu who was momentarily taken aback (OOC: Not scared, as he assured everyone later, just suprised) at the ex-Iwagakure nin's outburst, and had to elbow Hidan hard in the stomach to stop him from snickering.

"So danna, what do you wanna do first? How about visit your granny un!?" Deidara bounced along in time with Sasori's steps.

Sasori stopped for a moment, looking thoughtful. 

* * *

There was a knock at the door.

"My oh my, who could that be at this hour?" Chiyo got up from her chair and walked over to the door, opening it.

"Hallo Ba-baa," A human teenage Sasori stood at the door smiling innocently, and behind him towered the other seven Akatsuki members. (OOC: The ones that are with him are Zetsu, Kisame, Itachi, Tobi, Hidan, Kakuzu and Deidara, you see?)

Chiyo stared for a moment, before ever so slowly tilting backwards... and hitting the ground with a thud.

"Ba-baa?" Sasori blinked as he peered down at her.

Ebizu toddled over and asked loudly,"Chiyo? Are you dead?" 

* * *

"...No, I don't think would be a good idea Deidara," said Sasori, after quiet consideration.

"Aw well. Hey, here we are!"

Before them was a bustling little village. By the time the Akatsuki had reached it, it was quite late, the stars already out, but it was still busy-looking, full of people and well-lit. There seemed to be some sort of festival on; people were selling masks, other stalls set up were offering games and all sorts of food. Delicious scents wafted through the warm air and there were sounds of screams and bangs and laughter and chatter and the general festive sounds of merriment.

"...Great, we came on a festival night," sneered Sasori.

"That's the spirit danna!" Deidara ran through the crowd excitedly.

"Oi! Get back here brat!" Sasori ran after him. He found the blonde handing over money to some man.

"Don't you ever run off like that again brat!" snarled Sasori, about to grab onto Deidara's ponytail to tug it.

"Blah blah, 'don't you ever---'Yowww!! Danna that HURTS un!" Deidara let out a yell and flailed about as Sasori yanked hard on his ponytail.

"Here you go," the old man returned to the counter and handed two sticks to Deidara, both with dango speared on them and gave them other to Deidara before turning to serve a girl with insanely long hair and a very high-pitched voice. (Hint hint)

"Domo arigatou!" Deidara flashed the man an innocent and happy grin before turning to Sasori with a teary face,"Danna un! That hurt! And I even bought dango for you un!" At this point he handed Sasori one of the sticks.

Sasori looked at it silently,"...You, er, bought dango for... me?"

"Hai un, but now I'm regretting doing so!" Deidara turned on his heel without another word and stalked off with his nose in the air.

"Deidara," Sasori hurried after him,"I didn't... mean to tug that hard..." he muttered gruffly, wrinkling his nose slightly as a faint pink flush came to his cheeks, fixing his stare on the ground.

"Awww, danna, are you blushing unnn? Hey, wait, no, don't tug my hair again!!" 

* * *

"Itachi-san?"

Kisame walked through the crowds seeking his eyesight-challenged partner. How Itachi managed to navigate his way through the throng without walking into things Kisame would not know.

"Itachi-san?"

"Kisame, I'm here." The young Sharingan user appeared suddenly by his side.

"Ne... What do you want to do since we're here?"

Itachi looked about,"...Enjoy ourselves?"

Kisame decided not to point out that he'd failed to coax a smile from the teenager's lips since he had arrived at the Akatsuki, especially one that came from innocent joy, rather than the one he did when putting someone in immense pain.

"...But I don't like anything here."

"I didn't like Orochimaru but I still put up with him---"

"OROCHIMARU!?" A boy who had been sleeping at a ramen bar nearby woke up with a screech, a string of drool still attached from his lips to the counter. His two arms were in a sling. "Where!?"

Sensing that they were drawing attention to themselves by the way everyone had gone quiet and were staring, the boy next to him patted him on the shoulder and soothed him gruffly,"Don't worry Zaku, he's not here..."

Seemingly reassured by the boy who's face was entirely covered in a weird festival mask except from his left eye (OOC: Heehee, he's in the festive spirit too!) the brunette sank back into his deep sleep.

"...Well that was unusual," murmured Itachi, wondering if he should be cautious in saying Orochimaru's name again incase anymore sleeping people nearby bolted upright and screamed his name as everyone began to talk again and soon it was up to it's usual chatter.

"Huh... One day I want people to react that way to my name," Kisame said in wonder,"It would be great to stroll one day into town when you're bored and utter your name to watch various different people sit up and scream." 

* * *

"I hate this place! It's too bright! And it looks expensive!"

"I thought you liked money?"

A handsome silver-haired man and what looked like a zombie ventured down the streets enjoying the area around them in it's colourful decorations. Nearby some female with a scary helium-voice was screaming at her companion with both arms in a sling. Something about 'I don't care if you can't eat your dango just 'cos both your arms are recovering'. Sitting next to the two was a boy with three-quarters of his face covered by a festival mask and looking like he was the reluctant babysitter, reminding both Akatsuki members of what Leader-Sama was like when Sasori and Deidara started arguing about art.

"Not when it's being put to bad use," Kakuzu gave everything around them a disapproving stare.

"It makes other people happy," Hidan noted that bringing Kakuzu near to a group of children had the entertaining effect of watching the smiles disappear from their little faces, give quiet squeaks of terror then run away looking like they'd quite like to wet themselves, or just staring at the 'zombie-man' in fear.

"Tch."

Deciding to try and get his partner into the mood (OOC: No no, not THAT type of mood you perverts!), Hidan walked over to a stall and ordered some ... festival... stuff.

Meanwhile, Kakuzu was standing there, peeved at his partner for wasting money, even if Hidan was paying with his own money.

He caught sight of a small child staring at him with a lollipop in hand, completely forgotten in the all-consuming terror of the real live zombie infront of them.

"...What? Go away or I'll steal your heart," Kakuzu glared at the kid,"Scram."

On cue the kid dropped their half-eaten lolly and ran away screaming leaving a suprised Kakuzu behind.

"...What did I do?" 

* * *

"Zetsu-san why are you all the way out here?"

The good boy made his way up a small grassy hill outside the village to where a black-and-white man with what appeared to be a venus flytrap consuming his head was sitting.

_"Tobi. Why are you not down there enjoying yourself like the other humans?"_ asked Zetsu's white side.

"Because Tobi could not find Zetsu-san and was worried!" Tobi sat down next to the plant, noting that the other shinobi did not quite answer his question,"Why are you not down there with the others?"

Zetsu gave a soft sigh. He didn't expect someone as naive as Tobi to understand. _"Tobi, you see, I am different from other humans. Humans fear things that are 'different' from them. If I was to go down there the other humans would see and fear me. They would not accept me. And because they cannot accept me, I cannot enjoy myself as you and Sasori and the others can."_

After Zetsu had said all this, Tobi didn't say a word for once. Instead he sat there in thoughtful silence. Then without a word, he stood up and walked back down to the warmth and cheer of the festival.

Zetsu watched him. He didn't understand. Zetsu didn't expect him to.

He sat there in silence. Alone. He was always alone. Always the one who sat away from the where even the other members were accepted. He was more of an outsider than any S-rank missing nin. Years of starving for acceptance in civilisation had increased his raging jealousy that had been bottled up. Isolation made his thirsty desire to be accepted all the more unbearable.

No wound hurt as much as this.

As these thoughts ran through his head, he became aware of the scrunching of grass under feet and a presence approaching.

"Hi Zetsu-san! Gomenasai, I just went to get us some ramen!" Tobi sat down beside him with two bowls of steaming ramen and two pairs of chopsticks.

Well, maybe he wasn't as alone as he thought he was... 

* * *

"Ne danna, danna! Look un! It says there's going to be fireworks tonight!"

"So?" Personally Sasori couldn't care less. Couldn't care less about this stupid festival. Or it's games. Or it's infectable cheeriness. Or it's warmth and happiness. Or it's delicious food. And especially not the way Deidara's face lit up at all the different games and tugged his cloak with "Danna, this way un!" or "Danna, check this un!" or how his eyes sparkled as they watched different shows like people breathing fire ("Itachi could do that better un!") or people performing plays and different stunts. Nope. Not at all.

A hush fell over the village.

"Danna, the fireworks are starting un!" whispered Deidara urgently.

Sasori and Deidara looked up. A pure red light streamed into the air, smoke trailing behind it. It whizzed with a high-pitch before it seemed to fade and...

BANG!!

There was a gasp from the crowd and Sasori found himself joining in involuntarily.

The firework exploded into a dazzling conflagration of gold and red sparks, spreading out across the sky.

Another followed with the same high-pitched 'whiiiiii' before popping loudly, this time with the most glorious types of blue Sasori had ever seen. That, as Sasori saw it, was like a trigger because more fireworks started to follow rapidly, some with little pops, every now and then one that went with a magnificient 'BANG!'

No sound was made from the crowd as the show went on. It was like magic. They were standing transfixed by the performance, not making a peep. Even the children stood like they were enchanted.

But what Sasori decided was the most magical thing of it was, was Deidara. The young boy stood there absolutely entranced, each firework lighting up his face to reveal an expression of awe and delight. He looked like a young child at Christmas. Sasori found himself staring at his partner's face instead of the fireworks. Somehow Sasori decided he liked Deidara better than the fireworks.

"That's art un..." Sasori thought he heard Deidara say breathlessly, barely audible.

As the night continued, Sasori decided that, after all, maybe being human wasn't so bad. 

* * *

"Ne Itachi-san... Fireworks..." Kisame finished his sentence just as he remembered Itachi's eyesight was failing.

"Hrn?" Itachi looked up as they started. He could hear the bangs, but could barely make out the fireworks from the blur. But although he could barely make outlines, what he could make out was colours. All the fireworks, punctuated with bangs, blurred their colours together in Itachi's vision. The result was spectacular, maybe more spectacular than what it could of been if Itachi's eyesight had not been failing. Emerald, crimson, indigo, silver... They merged together to create a fantastic mixture.

Kisame spared a glance towards his smaller partner, and was astonished to see him giving his full attention to the fireworks.

But he soon forgot about it as together they watched the night sky be decorated with the richest of colours. 

* * *

BANG.

"Nani?"

"Shhh!"

Hidan and Kakuzu watched as the fireworks began.

"...Hmph, what's so pretty about tha---"

"Shhhh!"

Hidan shushed him again, this time with more urgency, and he was joined in too this time by several other people, including the young child Kakuzu had scared of earlier. He sent this small child a fierce glare which bounced off as the child stared open-mouthed up at the sky.

Scowling, Kakuzu turned to Hidan. The stupid man was also allowing himself to be captured by the fireworks. He looked up at them. He didn't see what was so amazing about them. Well, okay, that was one was sort of pretty... Pretty!? Pfft, if he wasn't careful he'd turn into Hidan. Nevertheless... Kakuzu gazed up at the colourful display.

After a while Hidan turned to Kakuzu and muttered,"I guess we should go now---"

"Shhh!" Kakuzu flapped his arms dismissively at a very offended looking Hidan. 

* * *

"Zetsu-san look! Fireworks!" exclaimed Tobi excitedly.

Zetsu looked up,"I see them Tobi..."

Minutes passed as the two watched in silence, two empty ramen bowls lying on the grass beside them.

"Zetsu-san?"

"Yes Tobi?"

"Are you... are you not sad anymore?"

No answer. Then...

"Hai Tobi. I am no longer sad."

"Good," This reply sounded like the owner was smiling beneath the mask.

And the both of them watched the rest of the fireworks in silence. 

* * *

-COUGH COUGH- Yep, just like I said in the first chapter.

-sweat- Okays, sorry, got a little carried away. But I PROMISE in the next chapter that I will torture Sasori. Lots and lots of torturing. I've already got the sake ready.

This chapter was started somewhere around 2AM in the morning. It is now 20 to 4AM. Oh well.  
By the way, not that I don't have any ideas or nothing... COUGH No really, I have plenty,  
but if you have what you think is a really GOOD idea to do to Sasori, then message me it!  
:D

Watch your favourite no-longer-a-puppet suffer. :D

I hope I didn't disappoint any of you guys with this chapter... and I realise there was no plot progress but the next chapter there will be! And Sasori torturing to! -evil-

Okay, g'night. (;

P.S. the red sands uchiha - Oh my. I hope not. What a thought. O.O


	3. Try not to scream!

enters onscreen Alright people! This is one of those awful author's notes, I know...

I am here because I have a few things to say! And because I can, Deidara and Sasori are going to come onscreen while I say it. -keys tapping away and Sasori and Deidara appear-

Deidara: Hey guys! I bet you were wondering what had happened to us eh? I know, I'm so absolutely fantabulous that without me your lives would not be worth living un.

Me & Sasori: ...

Me: Yes, anyways, so, I give me deepest apologies---

Deidara: -cough cough- Un!

Me: -continues- ...Deepest apologies for not updating for a while.

Deidara: A long while.

Me: A long while.

Deidara: Ages un.

Me: Ages.

Deidara: Infact---

Me: Sasori make your uke shut up.

Sasori: ...What did you call him?

Me: I said "Sasori, made your duke shut up."

Sasori: Duke...

Me: Yes... As in... chess... He's your duke...?

Sasori: That's rook.

Me: Aha. Anyways! My deepest apologies for not updating for ages-Deidara-do-not-interrupt and uhm... I PROMISE that I will update in the next three days. Or else.

Deidara: ...Or else what un?

Me: I WILL HAND OVER ALL THE AKATSUKIS TO THE FANGIRLS MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

silence

Sasori: ...That's not very punishing... to you...

Me: Who said I was going to punish myself for being lazy---I mean, lack of inspiration. -cough-

Kisame: -walks in- ...Why is there a camera in here and why is---OH GAWSH IS THAT A FANGIRL!!!??? -takes out Samehada-

Me: Nononononononono, not fangirl, author, author author authoress put the sword down. O.O;

Deidara: Don't worry, she's the one writing the fanfic un:D

Kisame: ...What fanfic? -narrows eyes- It's not---

Me: Nope, no pairing including you.

Kisame: ...You're sure?

Me: Yep.

Kisame: Positive?

Me: Absolutely.

Kisame: No It---

Me: Definetly not.

Kisame: ...Alright then. -sheathes Samehada- So why are we filming this?

Sasori: It's an author's note.

Kisame: Oh gawsh I hate those. So why are we filming it in the toilet?

Me: 'Cos there's nowhere else to put it.

Kisame: You do realise that people probably need to USE this room and you guys are like filming in it?

Me: Yes. :D Are you trying to make some sort of point:D

Itachi: -walks in- Why are we all here? ...Oh gawsh. There's a non-Naruto person in here.  
-uses his awesome Uchiha logic-which-is-not-so-awesome-'cos-all-Uchihas-are-emos-well-not-  
really-but-I-really-don't-like-Sasuke-'cos-he's-like-annoying-and-stuff-but-anyways- If she is not in this anime she must be a fangirl, or an OC... Possibly a... -twitch twitch-  
(DUN DUN DUN) Mary-Sue. No, I will not marry you.

Me: No, no, I'm not, I'm an authoress. sweatdrop

Itachi: ...Is this in an way an Ita---

Me: No, not that pairing, nope, absolutely not, none at all.

Itachi: Fine then. Why are we all gathered in the toilet?

Me: ...Yes, about that---

Kakuzu: -walks in holding newspaper- Awww what the---WHY THE HELL ARE WE ALL IN THE TOILET!?

Me: Wow, you guy's toilet must be pretty big...

Deidara: -nods- Un!

Hidan: -pokes head in- What's goi---Oh wow, did the bathroom get bigger? -walks in- (AN: Hidan would only poke his head in if the door was open, which it is, signalling that no one is using it. Just so ya know, he does not stick his head into bathrooms randomly. XD)

Deidara: An Author's Note inside and Author's Note, un.

Me: Indeed. Like a paradox thingy. Moving on, there are some important things you should know. Considering that this has taken a few months to finally do... and it's a crappy AN,  
the storyline of Naruto has moved onwards quite a bit, and screwed up my fanfic a bit, but then again it was screwed up anyways. Blue for once, or Konan, is back from holiday. A very LONG holiday.

Kisame: Like you said in Chapter One.

Me: I know. You guys actually remembered that? -happy- So now she is here. And Pein...

Sasori: Yes, when we first heard it we were all thinking the same thing...

Me: ...Is actually not the Akatsuki's Leader and stuff but what the hell. Nothing is changing. :D

Zetsu: comes out of the ground making Deidara fall over Indeed. Which makes them a complete stupid fanfic. It was anyways.

Me: You have hurt my feelings Zetsu. D:

Muwahahaha! Yes! Hurt her feelings! Be mean! I like evil:D

-everyone looks around. What could it be!? O: -

-horribly dramatic music builds up tension as... EVIL TOBI SKIPS IN!!-

Everyone: -gasp-

Zetsu: Tobi?

Tobi: Not anymore! For I am... Uchiha Madara! (AN: I think. -shrug-)

Deidara: -swoons- Oh, the horror (un)! -faints-

Sasori: -doesn't catch him- --

Hidan: Say, why is the authoress convulsing on the floor?

Deidara: -peers- Oh right, I think she's in shock.

Me: -malfunctioning- Tobi... Tobi... good boy... is Tobi... -starts sparking-

Sasori: Too much of a shock I see. Well, I'm not really suprised for one.

Deidara: Your not un? D: -scoots up to danna- Did you figure it out danna:D

Sasori: Well what sort of person can eats lollipops and sugary goodness all day without getting up to mischief?

Pein: -walks in- The hell!? I thought I told you guys not to give him sugar! Who gave him sugar!?

Everyone: It wasn't us.

Pein: Then...

Yes!

-Konan walks in-

Konan: 'Twas I!

Hidan: We have a female member?

Pein: You fed Tobi sugar?!

Konan: Yes Pein---

Deidara: Is it because you have some sort of elaborate plan like getting yourself somehow introduced because you fed Tobi sugar un?

Konan: ...I was about to say that.

Deidara: Haha un!

Zetsu: Tobi, why are you a bad boy now? I like Tobi as a bad boy. Good boy is better.

Tobi: You may refer to me as Uchiha Madara-sama now! And, uhm, because! I am... evil!

Deidara: Lame un!

Tobi: Silence or I will CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR AS YOU SLEEP!

Deidara: -dies from horror-

Sasori: ...And you broke him, well done Tobi. You have successfully suceeded in breaking the authoress AND Deidara. I have to hand it to you. And now I shall take my leave to fix my partner. -picks up Deidara in his arms and walks off-

Zetsu: What about when you brought me that bowl of ramen? Were you plotting evil then?

Tobi: I... I...

Zetsu: Or when you kept me company and watched the fireworks with me?

Tobi: ...Why isn't your other side talking?

Zetsu: I have co-erced him into temporary hibernation.

Tobi: ...Zetsu-san I'm sorry please please please please don't be mad!! T.T -runs forward,  
arms outstretched- Zetsu-san!!

Zetsu: -hugs Tobi- -pets his hair- There there, don't worry, Tobi is a good boy.

Deidara: D'awww, danna, why don't you ever hug me un?

Sasori: -walks back in- He's fixed. Oh joy. --

Itachi: How did you fix him?

Sasori: Didn't. Was walking through the kitchen and felt him snuggling into my chest. --

Deidara: Now I remember un! Because danna's a perv---

Sasori: -covers his mouth- Anyway, remember to keep checking back, and if the next chapter is not out within three days you get to boot the authoress' ass. Talking of her, how is she functioning?

Hidan: I think she is getting bett---

Me: -heads asplodes-

Hidan: ...Awww damn. Great, who's gonna write the fic now?

Deidara: -face brightens up and smiles wickedly-

Sasori: ...Bad. BAD BOY. NO. I don't know whatever you are thinking about but whatever it is, NO.

Deidara: I thought you only liked to call me a bad boy in the privacy of our bedroom un?

Sasori: -blushes and starts to splutter-

Deidara: ...But saying as the authoress is... unavailable, IT MEANS WE THE AKATSUKI GET TO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER:D

Sasori: ...That's it, Deidara, it's nap time!

Deidara: No danna. NO. DEIDEI NOT WANT NAP TIME UN.

Kakuzu: Not again damnit!!

Sasori: Deidara just come quietly and---Put. The. Clay. Dow---

-KABLOOM-

-static-

So will the Akatsuki really write the next chapter? Will Tobi ever be a good boy again?  
How will DeiDei's nap go? D:

Find out in the next chapter!

P.S. Signed onto my hotmail today and got a big fright. Like, 172 e-mails because I have the fanfic alert thing on. 


End file.
